Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can feel your judgement through the phone
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
