My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
