if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your penis caused this!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
