just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
