im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
