A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
