i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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