The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
