my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
