im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
