why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
