y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
