Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
