i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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