I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
