Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
