your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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