i may or may not be watching the land before time
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
