he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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