I puked a lego.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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