Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
