I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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