I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
