She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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