I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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