I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
