remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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