I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My penis needs a shock collar
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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