LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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