I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
