Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
