i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
