While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
