Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
