Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
