DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
