dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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