grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
