Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
