Just cropdusted the office
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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