I bet he comes in French.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
PANTIES FOUND
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
