There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
