you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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