do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
