Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
