The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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