So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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