Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Found the puke drawer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
