Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
