i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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