I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
