she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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