i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
