I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
