I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am one with the molecules
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
