I just threw up on my dentist
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
