i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
