i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
