Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
