Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
