Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
