'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
