so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
