do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
