Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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