I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
