Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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