Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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