Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
