so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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