So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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