I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
