I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
