I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
