My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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