I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
