omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
