Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
