I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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