I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
