i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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